‘The Walking Dead’ Recap: ‘Find Me’

Written by John Edward Betancourt

Caution: This article contains spoilers for Episode 1018 of ‘The Walking Dead’. 

Stories that revolve around the long road back from trauma and loss, tend to simplify the journey their character goes upon and it is understandable as to why. After all, the recovery process from something so incredibly profound, is supremely messy and chaotic. For there is no real timetable when it comes to recovery nor is there is a specific way in which to heal and rather than subject an audience to chaos, the wise thing to do is to give the ailing hero a simple path to recovery. One that features a flawless support network of loved ones who refuse to give up on said hero, so that they eventually find the happiness and peace they so desperately crave. 
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But every once in a while, you run into a story that is eager to actually examine the process as it stands in the raw, and that usually leads to a bevy of powerful moments. The kind that are relatable and uncomfortable and downright moving and oddly enough, since The Walking Dead took the time to delve into this subject matter in a fascinating and dynamic manner, during last week's tale, the writers’ room opted to use the next episode in this storied franchise, to explore this matter in incredible detail. For ‘Find Me’ took the time to show us what Daryl Dixon was up to during his many years away from Alexandria and well… he was definitely hurting for certain. 

For while he claimed to Carol and others that he was out searching for Rick’s body and searching for closure in the matter, what he was actually doing in reality, was trying to process the fact that his brother was gone. Which was no easy blow to process, since Rick always believed in Daryl and did everything, he could, to keep Mister Dixon on the high road. But the fact that they fought in an ugly manner and barely made peace before Rick 'died', clearly haunted him and sadly, despite his best efforts to deal with this quickly or find the peace that he was looking for, Daryl spent most of his days pondering upon the past and the pain in his soul. 

Yet while that alone could have carried this episode for the entire hour, there was more for the show to explore outside of that more visceral aspect of grieving and dealing with trauma and loss. Because it also took the time to point out that when we are really in the thick of it all, it is helpful for us to surround ourselves with someone that has some understanding of what we are going through. Because they can help us to potentially face our pain and believe it or not, Daryl was able to do just that in the middle of the woods. Simply because out there in the middle of nowhere was a woman named Leah, who also suffered great trauma and loss, and once they dropped their walls, something quite powerful happened.

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For the two of them embarked on a passionate love affair, one that was actually healing in nature since it kept the both of them from giving into the darkness and it also allowed for them to begin to process their pain in a healthy manner. A process that quite frankly took years, lending credence to the frustrating reality that we all heal differently and that it takes time. But while that makes it seem as though this story ends in a happy manner, the fact that we knew nothing of Leah until now… speaks volumes to the fact that something went terribly wrong in this relationship, and that unfortunate epiphany is what brought about the final tough lesson of the night on trauma and loss. Specifically, how it can motivate us to indulge in self-sabotage. 

Because sadly, the pain we feel is strong and it motivates us to do whatever we can to never feel it again, and that pushes us to push those we love away in an effort to make that happen. Something that we know deep down is unhealthy, but we do it none the less because of the power negative thoughts and feelings can have over us and sadly… Daryl indulged in this as well. Which means that eventually his love affair came to a close when he pushed Leah away in every sense imaginable. Since she even vacated the shack she was living in, and left Dog behind to be with Daryl, and that made for a sobering end to Daryl’s journey in the woods. Since clearly, losing Leah as a result of his decision to let that pain take control, taught him a valuable lesson. In that, we have to cherish who and what we have when we lose someone we love... or more will fade from our lives. 

However, while it is nice that Daryl learned that lesson, sadly it would seem, that more hard times are ahead for him as well. Since he and Carol are not on good terms at all, despite there being hints that they might finally be putting their biffleship back together. But clearly, the fighting and accusations and frustrations that they expressed between one another in this tale, speaks volumes to how far they have to go to repairing their special kinship and well, one does have to wonder if that is possible at this point. For Daryl was genuinely angry when we leave him in this tale, to the point where he emotionally wounded a dear friend, and it will be interesting to see what this fight will mean for this dynamic duo in the days to come. But while we wait for that particular resolution, we can take a little time to celebrate one incredible story.

Because this really was quite the powerful tale, one that held little back in regard to its exploration of grief and trauma and loss and it deserves serious applause for presenting such matters in the raw, since so many other shows shy away from it. Plus, it also features some stunning performances. For Norman Reedus is at his best here and was able to express all kinds of pain with a single look and Melissa McBride is as solid as ever in this tale and Lynn Collins, who plays Leah, is simply electric on screen. To the point where you’re dying to know more about her and whether or not there is emotional redemption for her in the cards. But she may in fact be gone for good and while that is unfortunate, it is uplifting to know that she helped Daryl back into the light by reminding him that there are things to live for, and that makes this a genuinely beautiful story for certain. Something that you don’t expect to find in a universe where the dead walk the earth. Until next time.

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