'Tales from the Crypt' Retro Recap: 'Well Cooked Hams'

​Written by Scott Edwards

The road to becoming the best is filled with hard work and failure, but once you are able to persevere, the rewards are magical. There are no shortcuts on this journey and why should there be?  You are the one striving for perfection, so you need to understand that there is no easy way to accomplish it before you reach it. Getting help from others on your quest is acceptable, but there is something to be said about learning from your own mistakes. It may seem like you will never reach your goal, but when all is said and done, you know you reached it on your own and have the scars to prove it.

It seems like no matter what Mile Federman does, he cannot get his act to work. While on stage performing one of his mentor’s grand illusions, it continues to fall short and now he is seeing it in the crowd turnout as well. After the show ends, Miles retreats to his room and takes out his frustration on his assistant Greta for leaving in the middle of the show. Even though it was his fault why she had to step off stage, he is not going to allow anyone to make him look like a failure. While seeing her boss sulk, Greta notices the amulet hanging around his neck is the one that belonged to her former employer, Zorbin the Magnificent. 

Asking about where he got the piece, Miles loses his mind and admits to killing his mentor to get his tricks. While Greta is dumbfounded about what is happening, she leaves the hall only to be approached by Franz Kraygen. Making his way back to see Miles, Franz has an offer for the struggling magician to come and see his show. Not staying in one place for too long, Franz is a master of his craft and hopes to gain the approval of Miles before he moves on. Not really wanting to acknowledge the competition, Miles quietly goes to the show to see a packed house, along with his old assistant on stage with the old timer. Not knowing what to expect from the show, the Box of Death is brought out on stage and Franz offers to prove to the crowd that death is only an illusion. 

As the trick is set up, the box is surrounded by swords that will enter from the sides and a bowl of sulfuric acid that will drop onto the head of anyone that is inside of the box. As the safety rope is cut and the swords fly in and the acid drops, Franz appears to be dying in the box, but after the lights dim, the old illusionist shows up fine in the middle of the stage. Meeting with Miles, Franz is happy to tell the young magician his secrets, but when he sees that Miles wants more than that from him, he keeps one final secret to himself. After killing Franz, Miles is now the owner of the Box of Death and with a packed house, he is ready to woo the audience once more. Getting a visit from Thomas Miller before the show and accepting an offer to have his show taped so the entire world can see it, Miles is on edge to make sure everything is perfect, but unlike every other magician, he fails to make sure all of his equipment is functioning properly. 

There is only one way Miles knows how to get to the top, and that is by taking out his competition. With it not catching up to him thus far, Miles is not above killing for a trick that he could not perform on his own. He should have been more hesitant to do the Box of Death since he still had not perfected Zorbin the Magnificent’s fire trick yet, but he soon finds out that there is more to magic than just having the tricks, you need to have the show as well. Starring Billy Zane as Miles Federman, Maryam d’Abo as Greta, Martin Sheen as Franz Kraygen, and Thomas Miller as Zorbin the Magnificent. This is a beautiful look into how far someone will go to be the best, but not do it on their own. Until next time kiddies, Stay Scared.

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