"Tales from the Crypt" Retro Recap: "The Reluctant Vampire"

Written by Scotty

There is a fine balance in taking pride in your work and how it relates to who you really are.  So many people try to cater themselves to the job that they are doing, but that does not translate to making them happy.  It is important to be able to put a bit of yourself in your job to add the much needed enjoyment of spending a third of your lifetime there.  There are plenty of jobs that allow for a bit of expression and I hope if you are in one of those positions, you have been able to incorporate just a little bit of yourself into the role, it really is fun.

Mr. Crosswhite is running into a major problem.  His blood bank is running out of product and without it going out the front door for a profit, he is faced with having to consider shutting down.  Young Sally is devastated by the news that she might be losing her job, but Mr. Crosswhite wants to offer her another position that would be just inclusive to her, wink, wink.  Stepping in to defend the young woman, the night security guard Mr. Longtooth takes offense to what is happening in front of his eyes but is not able to command his boss to do anything different, as he does not want to lose his job either.

Why would Longtooth want to move on from such a glorious place to be employed, being a vampire and all?  Every night he is able to feed in peace and not have to kill anyone to get his blood intake, but there is a slight complication when it comes to Sally.  Becoming excited also enrages the vampire and his fangs are fully extended whenever Sally is around him.  Wanting to stay quiet about what he is, Longtooth is able to escape the clutches of his crush, but is not able to continue covering up what he is doing in the blood bank at night.  With the records book being taken out of the office and Longtooth already feeding, he needs to find a way to replace the blood that he has taken, but he does not want to kill anybody to accomplish this, since he is working in the blood bank to avoid these kinds of actions.

Walking the streets, Longtooth finds a perfect target, a mugger that has just been foiled and will not be able to put up much of a fight.  With his needle, some tubing and a water jug, Longtooth is able to subdue the scum of humanity and drain his body completely of blood.  As the police are called in to investigate the strange occurrences, another person comes to join the hunt for the killer.  Rupert Van Helsing knows that the only rational answer to what is happening is due to a vampire on the streets. Urging the police to take note of this, he examines the body and finds the puncture hole on the neck, just as he had predicted.  Although the police are not convinced, the killings continue around the town as Longtooth is trying to save everyone’s jobs at the blood bank since Mr. Crosswhite is running out of options to keep everyone employed.  Although Longtooth has single handedly saved the blood bank, he is now being hunted by the police, Van Helsing, his employer and Sally, as everyone seems to know what he really is.

A cute little love story between a vampire and a damsel that is looking to be saved.  Although Longtooth has been trying to hide his identity from everyone at work, everyone seems to have discovered his secret and are looking to take advantage of him and what he can do.  All Longtooth really wants to do however is to live in the shadows, free of being a killer and suck down on a couple of bags of blood a night.  It has served him well in the past, but when Sally starts making advances towards him, he is not able to control his primal urge to feed and although it may be a problem for him, it does not seem to phase the young lady.  Starring Malcolm McDowell as Longtooth, George Wendt as Mr. Crosswhite, Michael Berryman as Van Helsing and Sandra Dickinson as Sally, this, I must say is one of the cutest love stories I have seen from the Crypt Keeper to date.  Wanting to side with the vampire is one thing, but if there is someone pulling his strings and forcing him to kill, does that really still make him the good guy?  Until next time kiddies, Stay Scared.

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