Retro Recap - Tales From the Crypt: "Collection Completed"

Written by Scotty

Retirement can be a killer for some people.  After working for over forty years, it is not easy for people to slow down and let life pass them by a little bit.  With all of the hobbies that are out there, finding one that will keep them busy enough to make them feel like they are accomplishing something every day, but it just may not be enough.  There is something to be said about leaving the house and putting in a full day’s work that leaves you feeling fulfilled in a way and it is hard to replace that feeling.

Jonas has been forced to retire after working forty-seven long years and is looking to make the most of his golden years with his wife Anita.  But what Jonas does not recognize is that with all of the time he has been away from the house for so many years is that Anita has found a way to keep herself busy and has made several new friends.  Although her friends are animals, she treats them like they are people and will do anything for them, since they are the only family she has known for some time.

Jonas is not ready to see this, thinking that being home with his wife would be like an extended weekend, but sees that the affection that he has expected is wasted on the animals.  Wanting to keep himself distanced from this, he tries to stay busy around the house, but there is only so much that he can do to avoid the situation since there are animals everywhere around the house.  Talking with his neighbor about hobbies, Jonas has decided that he would rather win back his wife from so many years ago and become a loving family, but when he receives a tuna sandwich made with cat food, he begins to understand that this may not be possible.

Finding a hobby that will fulfill his needs and give him a sense of purpose, Jonas takes up taxidermy and starts to practice on the house pets.  Not allowing Anita in the basement until he has completed his collection of her loved ones, he is very secretive of his endeavor.  But Anita is privy to the prize of his collection as she sees one of her favorite dogs has been stuffed on the patio.  Wanting to protect her babies from her fierce husband, Anita makes it down to the basement and sees all of her friends on the stuffing line and while Jonas is trying to explain why he loves the hobby so much, she bashes him on the head with his retirement hammer and adds him to the ranks of her favorite pets.

Who does not love watching old people bicker, because they are so darn cute?  This takes watching that to the next level as you wonder what is actually happening at their homes.   Now I know that retirement will never suit me as I want to be as busy as possible with my conscious time, since there is so much to do and if I don’t have a good schedule to force myself to do it, it will never get done.  With the great M. Emmet Walsh and Audra Lindley as a newly retired couple, I could imagine what I would be like if I was lucky enough to have my wife be able to stay at home while I worked.  Until next time, Stay Scared.

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