'Tales from the Crypt' Retro Recap: 'Oil's Well That Ends Well'

​Written by Scott Edwards

Every day you hear of a new scam that has been unhatched by someone that wants to take your money. These con-people are looking to make the fast buck off of people that want the same thing, they just don’t know that they are the target.  It is almost next to impossible these days not to be hit up by one of these people with phone numbers and email addresses flying around out there. Ninety-nine percent of the time the things that you receive are from somebody just trying to take advantage of you, so you need to stay on your toes to make sure you are not one of the unlucky victims that you hear about on the news.

While digging in the graveyard, Jerry and Gina are starting to talk about their long term goals. As Jerry is always looking for the quick hit, Gina wants to make her money last from the perfect cons that she has been able to run. The two are ready to go at it again when Larry starts yelling from his grave, since he could suffocate if not removed very soon. Not wanting to listen to the two lovebirds keep chirping about how great they both are in bed, he starts to lay into Gina, but Jerry will not have anyone talk about his new lady like that and puts him back into the grave. With twenty grand from their latest score, it is time to move up to the next level and before long, Gina will be able to double her money that she has had saved up for so long.

Heading to a small hick bar, Gina puts her game face on and starts ranting about how awful her job really is. Working in the oil industry, she consistently gets crapped on by her bosses and is only paid to keep her mouth shut. Getting the attention of the boys at the table, Jerry comes in and announces that they have struck oil. Needing to report in to his bosses about what has been found, Gina offers her worker five grand to keep the word mum until she can figure out how to screw the company. The boys want in on the deal as well, so Petermeyer, Carty, William and Spider all offer to throw in five grand themselves, bringing Jerry’s payoff to twenty-five thousand dollars. With that being too much money to pass up, Jerry agrees to hold off on his findings for one week, but all the news is not good since the oil that has been found in the area is under the local graveyard.

Needing to find a way to secure the rights to the oil, Petermeyer and his gang come up with a plan on how to acquire all of the land surrounding the grave yard. Needing seventy-two thousand dollars apiece to buy the land, Gina’s eyes get wide and she is willing to invest since she has that much in her savings. With the deal made, Jerry cannot believe that his partner would put her own money on the line but he realizes that she has become overly greedy. Leaving her alone, Jerry is picked up by Petermeyer and his boys who catch him taking all of their money out of the bank. Going according to plan, Gina carries through with her end and when Jerry is buried in the graveyard with all of the cash, she is ready to make the biggest payday of her carrier, but there is one little problem, Jerry stops by to say hi before she can dig him up. Quickly finding out what is happening to her as Jerry has his own crew, she is going to be left with nothing, except maybe some crude oil.

Just your classic tale of deceit as the con artists try to play each other for their riches. Gina is so proud of herself and how well she has been able to do over the years, she makes it known that she has a little fortune and that widens the eyes of her partners Larry and Jerry.  Knowing that she is greedy, Jerry and his pals come up with their own plan to swindle her out of her money and Gina never sees it coming. Kind of a sad way for a good con-person to go out, but at least she went out with a bang. Starring Lou Diamond Phillips as Jerry, Pricilla Presley as Gina, Nobel Willingham as Petermeyer, Alan Ruck as Carty, Steve Kahan as William, Rory Calhoun as Spider and a special appearance by John Kassir (the voice of the Crypt Keeper) as Larry. Another great heavy hitting cast that Tales from the Crypt has been able to assemble and make the story that much better.  Until next time Kiddies, Stay Scared!

---