‘Tales from the Darkside’ Retro Recap: ‘If the Shoes Fit…’

Written by John Edward Betancourt

It is definitely safe to say, that we live in some unsettling and uncomfortable times. Especially when it comes to American politics. For gone are the days of civility amongst politicians, the kind that brought about compromise despite disagreement. Instead, those nobler traits have been replaced by bombastic rhetoric, and conspiracy theories, and inaction, and apathy to burning issues that Americans desperately want to have resolved. Not to mention, a great deal of those very same politicians are more concerned now with their platforms and their standing in the public eye as a quasi-celebrity. To the point where ratings and buzzwords matter more than the work put in, and for proof… then look no further than the past five years and the prior White House Administration.
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But what’s truly keeping us up at night, is that it seems as though everyone in Washington is working harder to not hear their constituents, out of some foolhardy and selfish quest to cement their legacy and party ideology over anything else, and well… that has us feeling helpless and wondering what we can do to retake the power that belongs with the people. Well as it turns out, there are some things we can do and oddly enough, some simple answers regarding this problem were expressed to us… thirty-seven years ago. For the next episode of Tales from the Darkside explored this very problem believe it or not and that makes ‘If the Shoes Fit…’ quite the powerful and unexpectedly poignant tale, one that does a fine job of exploring the answers in question by forcing us to spend time with an incredible monster… a politician.

For in this tale, we are introduced to a good ol’ boy named, Bo Gumbs. Who it just so happens is in the midst of running for governor in his fine southern state, and when we catch up with Bo, here… he’s settling in for a big event. One where he is going to give an amazing speech to donors to continue to lock up the votes (and necessary cash) to put him into power and well… once he gets comfortable in his world class hotel room… he begins to open up about what modern politics actually look like, to a porter that is quite curious about such matters. Which according to Bo, involves nothing less… than appealing to the lowest common denominator and whipping them up into a frenzy. Alongside always putting on an amazing show. Because he believes that people don’t care about their leaders actually putting in the work, they just love the illusion. But unfortunately for Bo, this porter doesn’t care for that answer, and he channels something quite special to teach Gumbs quite the lesson in humility and where the true power of the nation lies. 

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Which is a plot that at first glance seems lightly mired in horror, since that’s just a jackass trying to be elected to office and he goes through some quirky moments in learning his lesson. But when you hear Bo Gumbs speak in private versus via his platform, the horror really does settle in. Since this story basically predicted the direction of American politics and well… the parallels are indeed frightening. For Bo Gumbs is nothing more than a caricature of say… Ted Cruz, or any other hot air balloon politician that just runs their mouth and only works hard to retain power and standing, and well… with the current climate as it is, seeing that parallel come to life really does make one’s skin crawl for certain. Since it feels far too real at times.
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But while that is a supremely unique way to elicit terror in the audience’s soul, there was mention about this episode exploring in detail… how we end this and how we the people reclaim the power that we give these individuals so it can be used for the greater good and not special interests, and lobbyists, and the politician in question. Which according to this tale, exposing them for the clowns that they are and taking them to task over their bombast and nonsense and piss poor results, is a solid way to reclaim that power. Because it either puts them to work so we can get the results we so desire, or they crumble, and we can easily vote them out. Not to mention, it is our votes that matters the most here, since that is the most impactful way to quickly send a message to an idiot politician that has forgotten exactly who they work for.

If anything, this is perhaps… the most unique episode of season one to date. One that was likely seen as just filler back in 1985 since the political climate wasn’t quite as venomous as it is right now. But via a rewatch, it’s obvious this was something bold and unique, and special, and very much in line with what the genre does. For horror loves to dive into politics often and has no qualms with being supremely direct in what it has to say about that arena and well, that also makes this quite the satisfying episode. Since it makes a dumbass politician look bad and gives us hope we can deal with them and their inflated egos and bank accounts after all and well, now that we’ve reached the end of this unique political journey… it should be interesting to see what other prophetic surprises await us in the darkness as we near the end of season one of this fantastic series. Until next time, try to enjoy the daylight.

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