Nerds That Geek Movie Review: ‘Funeral Home’

Written by Scott Edwards

​There are people that want to let their elders pass on without being a part of their lives, then there are those who will do anything to keep them ticking for as long as they can. While I am part of the latter group, I can see why there are those folks that don’t want to care about the older generation, since in their minds they are outdated and are tired of listening to the same old stories. It is hard to imagine that anyone would want to let their golden generation pass on without a thought, but with the times changing and needing to take many hours out of the work week to teach them how to use a VCR (yes, I had to do this, and I am that old) or any new devices that are coming out, it seems like a waste to them. But you never know when the magical button in their minds will click on the new technology and soon, they will know more about it than you do.

With her husband going missing, Maude Chalmers is in need of money to continue living her days in her home and her granddaughter has come up with the perfect option. Converting her funeral home into a Bed and Breakfast, Maude is not too happy to have strangers in her house, but it will be the only way to make ends meet. Having her granddaughter Heather coming to help, at least there will be one good thing that comes out of it, since the girl will be able to take care of more than just the guests. But there are already problems brewing at the Chalmers household as the truck is in disrepair and Maude is not able to make it to the bus station to pick up Heather.

Being resourceful, Heather is able to catch a ride into town with her new friend Rick and starts to hear about the distrust that he has for her grandmother’s home. Not getting too deep into the conversation since they just met, Heather is happy to see her grandma and ready to make a million dollars over her summer there will all of the guests that they are going to receive. When Harry Browning and his lady friend Florie make it to the house, Maude is starting to regret her decision and does not want sinners in her home under any circumstances. Trying to rid herself of the two who are fornicating outside of marriage, Maude asks the couple to check out, but Harry will not and has decided that he and Florie will stay until the weekend is finished.

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Around town, young deputy Joe Yates is starting to get a bad feeling in his stomach as people are going missing. Being told to ignore it by the chief, Joe finds the abandoned car of a real estate developer buried in a pile of hay, three weeks since the man went missing. Knowing that there is something strange happening in his town, Joe starts to do a little investigating of his own to find out where and when the missing folks were last seen and all signs point towards the Chalmers new tourist home. Asking Maude his questions, Joe is satisfied with what she has to say and promises to stay on the case of her missing husband, but there is something else happening in the home that nobody ever expected.

Staying busy during the days, Heather has been spotted by Rick who wants to get to know her a little better and with him being a fine boy, she agrees to help out with what he needs as well. Getting some alone time, Rick is able to tell his new friend what her grandfather was like and it is far from what she imagined. Being a stubborn old man who did not take kindly to the neighborhood kids looking in on his undertaking work, he would threaten to lock the kids in with the dead bodies. Not believing that her grandfather could be anything other than kind, Heather disregards the conversation, but when she starts hearing her grandmother in the basement talking to somebody, she needs to start believing since there is evil in the house and she might be the only one who can help release it.

Looking back at some of these older horror flicks, I am finding a new respect for them that I never thought possible. Keeping the audience in suspense while setting up the story for the epic reveal of who the killer is has been lost for the new generation, and that is a shame. What I really liked best about this movie is the relationship that Heather and her grandmother Maude develop in such a short time and while trying to keep her granddaughter from doing something that she would frown upon, Maude falls short and there is only one punishment that is fitting when all is said and done. One of the characters that did not make it into the review was Billy, the slow handyman who is able to keep things running around the house. It was apparent that he would be tormented throughout and while he only wanted to help, he would have to toughen up with the insults coming his way and do the right thing in his mind. With a silent killer, people living in sin, car crashes, a nosey cop, young love story and people going missing, this is a good 'who done it' type of story that will leave you wondering if all people would be capable of losing their minds so badly to drive them to kill. Stay Scared.

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