Nerds That Geek Movie Review: ‘5-Headed Shark Attack’

Written by Scott Edwards

​It is hard to imagine what people would do for their ultimate payday, especially when it has to do with putting people at risk. But nobody is above it, when their chips are down and there is money to be made, if you don’t collect, someone else will. With funding being cut for all non-essential programs across the world, they must find some way to survive. Being able to run your own business is hard enough, but when your backers are out of the game, it puts a new strain on your shoulders to bring in your own customers to keep your business afloat. 
​
Working with her interns at the aquarium, Doctor Angie Yo is showing firsthand how the pollution in the waters is killing off all of the sea life. Getting a visit from the local police force, Angie is pulled away from her teaching and asked if it is at all possible that there could be a multi headed shark in the waters. Laughing at the idea, even with visual evidence, Thaddeus Marshall who runs the aquarium sends the officers on their way, but Angie is curious about what was really in the picture she just saw. 

With no idea what they could be up against, Thaddeus puts himself in the driver’s seat to find and capture the shark, if not for anything else, the money that it would bring in. Heading out on the water with the interns and his good doctor, the group spots a giant four headed shark that is quick to claim one of their own. Knowing that they have bitten off more than they can chew with this expedition, Angie turns to an old friend who has been able to catch a shark or two in his day. Red is more than happy to go on a fishing expedition with his ex, but when he hears what Thaddeus really wants to do, his eyes light up. 

---

​With the promise of double the initial payment for bringing the multi headed beast in alive, Red takes the dwindling group out on a fishing trip. Being able to track down the shark who is always looking to feed, another of the interns is lost to a couple of the heads, but a spear to the heart should kill the shark off without an issue. Returning to the aquarium and delivering the good news to the police, the beaches are reopened with no worries of any other shark attacks, but little do they know that the super predator is still on the loose and looking to wreak havoc in the Puerto Rico waters until there is nothing left to eat.

Hearing the news that the shark is alive and well, Red and his new crew take back to the waters with a new plan in place, to kill the four-headed shark that has developed a new head on its tail, making it a five-headed shark.  Knowing that sharks do not have a natural predator in the water, the team takes a different route in finding something that they do not like. With plenty of dolphin audio to play to corral the super beast, the focus has turned to blowing it to hell. Yet, there are still plenty of obstacles that Red, Angie, Cait, Ram and Thaddeus will have to face, since the shark has five times the thinking power of a normal shark, it starts to show that it can catch on faster than the normal wrath of the sea.

When it comes to outrageous shark movies, Asylum Productions and the SyFy Network always deliver.  With plenty of craziness that occurs above and below the water, this is the way a shark movie should be made because this was entertaining as hell. I loved the aquarium group and watching as emotion started to overtake them as they started becoming the shark’s primary source of food. If there had to be someone that you wanted to see become the five-headed shark’s next meal, it was Thaddeus since his only focus was on the revenue that the shark could provide, and he could care less about his employees. The relationship between Red and Angie was fun, as you could tell there was something there before the story took place and why not, the little bit of flirting by the Captain helped to lighten the mood when people were being torn limb from limb. With plenty of beach bodies, lots of limbs, four (no FIVE) hungry shark heads, a shot at redemption, minimal propeller props, a sea of blood and a hidden romance, this is just a wonderful shark-themed film. The beaches of Puerto Rico may never recover from the multi headed shark invasion, but I have a feeling that they will be okay once they understand that nobody is safe once the sharks start moving in. Stay Scared.

---