‘Fear the Walking Dead’ Recap: ‘… I Lose Myself’

Written by John Edward Betancourt

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There is no denying the fact that season four of Fear the Walking Dead has been one incredibly ambitious affair. After all, I am hard pressed to think of any other horror series out there that’s actually bothered to take the time to explore the power of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the lasting effects of loss and grief for that matter as well. But despite the incredible character studies we’ve been provided with this season, I think it’s safe to say that to a certain extent, putting these characters through the wringer has yet to yield the most important element when it comes to a television series; a direction or a goal as to where all of these elements are taking us.
 
Think about it for a moment. In prior seasons, it was obvious we were building to something bigger for the Clark family and their friends, and that tension would build to a powerful crescendo that left us in awe or in a grand discussion about the future of the characters and the series. But here, well the only buildup this season seemingly revolved around getting the gang back together for a road trip to Alexandria, something quite frankly, we’ve already seen in the franchise in season five of The Walking Dead. But this kind of confusion was apparently, all part of the plan and we were supposed to feel lost and out of sorts, because the characters were feeling that way and in quite the unexpected surprise, the season four finale of this show, ‘…I Lose Myself’, found a way to bring this scattered story arc to a brilliant conclusion by finally giving it true direction and purpose, all while wrapping up one important storyline.
 
Case in point the whole mess with Martha. Because she found a way to use Al to deliver an important message to Morgan, in that, one way or another she was going to be strong in this world and the next time he would see her, he would see her strength, something Morgan correctly identified as a death wish, prompting him to head out into the wild to save her before it was too late and well, this was fascinating to say the least. For this part of the story went beyond mere good deeds, this part of the story was simply about Morgan healing his broken soul since he and Martha were in essence, the same people after all. They had indeed suffered incredible trauma in the past and the anger that came from that drove them to do questionable things as they buried their grief and their pain deep down into their souls.
 
Which gave the final showdown between Martha and Morgan some serious gravity and depth. Because Morgan truly tried to make it seem as though he was the more evolved of the two of them and that helping her would finally show her the way and help her heal since acts of kindness are what snapped Morgan out of his funk. But, despite his best efforts to make that happen, there was no reasoning with Martha, no reaching the good left within her, because she quite frankly, abandoned all of that in order to achieve her own goal; to prove to Morgan that his darkness was still with him and the time had come to draw it out and embrace it and well, she came damn close to making that happen. Because once Morgan learned that she had managed to hurt his friends, the fire and fury that drives the worst in him was back on full display and he came within inches of breaking his golden rule. 

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Which meant, we were finally at a crossroads with Morgan. Because if he gave into the darkness, we would know that Martha was right all along, and he would no doubt return to his broken ways, devolving into the mad man we reunited with in season thee of The Walking Dead. But, if he held that anger at bay, he could make an against all odds attempt to save the lives of his new friends/surrogate family and thankfully…Morgan chose the light and in an instant, transformed before our eyes. Gone was the confusion and the pain in his eyes, he suddenly knew what his purpose in life was going forward. But in the here and the now, he had people to save and he pushed himself like never before to get back to Mississippi, and the truck stop where he learned of Polar Bear’s good deeds and well, this is where the episode ramped up the intensity, in part because we’ve never seen Morgan push himself like this, but also due to the fact that this was a true race against time to save them all.
 
Because as it turns out, while the group had a moment to catch their breath at that all important truck stop, they came to learn that Martha messed with the bountiful supplies present in this place, poisoning the water with antifreeze and making every last one of the group sick, and despite their best efforts to get their hands on the ethanol they desperately needed to counteract the effects of said antifreeze, they failed in their mission and well, this part of the story was downright terrifying. Because this season of the show made it inherently clear that everyone and anyone is fair game when it comes to exiting the series and there seemed to be a strong possibility that the entire cast, save for Morgan, could be saying their farewells in this tale, allowing for the story to start over anew in season five. But, that was not going to be the case and in another wonderful twist, Morgan arrived with a truck full of Jim’s beer to save the day.
 
Yet, I made mention of the fact that this particular episode finally brought the story together and gave it a purpose and it did do that, at the very end. Because now that was everyone was united they were able to put down a zombified Martha and hear Morgan’s new idea for what lies ahead for this group in his mind and well, this part of the story was downright beautiful. Because Morgan came to realize that there are a lot of people like Martha out there right now, people who are in desperate need of help and are struggling to get by, and they feel alone and abandoned or they’re hurt if they’ve run afoul of someone with ill intentions and well…Morgan felt it was high time to forget about Alexandria, and help those people in need and in the end everyone was on board and that’s where we leave this group at the end of season four, with a new sense of purpose and a wonderfully noble goal in mind to make the world a better place, meaning that season four was about three key elements thematically.
 
First and foremost, it was about dealing with our trauma and our pain in order to move forward in life, and it was about being a better person in the face of adversity and staying true to that good, and…it served as a reminder that life isn’t just about who we lose, it’s about who we save along the way and well, that’s magnificent to say the least. Because horror rarely focuses on the best parts of humanity, but that’s precisely what the show found a way to do this year and while the mission ahead that Morgan and his friends are now embarking upon is a dangerous one to say the least, because this is after all, the end of the world, there’s a slim chance that they will be successful and I suppose the best way to summarize what Morgan likely thinks about those tough odds is to quote the man who helped initiate Morgan’s recovery, Rick Grimes, since he put it so eloquently in the season two trailer for The Walking Dead, in that; ‘it’s all about slim chances now, and a slim chance, is better than none.’ Until next year.  

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