Nerds That Geek Movie Review: 'Zoolander 2'

3/13/2019

Written by Scott Edwards

You ever have that problem of being really, really, really, extremely good looking? I don’t, I just go along with my day giving everyone else the eye show that they deserve. But you know, sometimes it hurts when people look at me and I can tell that they are thinking why, why is he so really, really, really, extremely good looking? Sorry, had to unlock my inner Derek Zoolander for this as the second installment for Zoolander has finally made it to my streaming service and it blew me away with a glitter bomb.

Derek Zoolander’s life quickly started falling apart years ago after the Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Who Wanna Learn to do Other Good Stuff Too collapsed, crushing his beloved Matilda. Being left alone as a single father to Derek Jr., Derek was not able to show enough smarts to keep them both out of trouble. After a troublesome video aired showing Derek and son trying to cook spaghetti, little Derek Jr. was quickly whisked away to an orphanage causing Derek to reevaluate his life. Quitting the industry once again, Derek moves up north away from it all to a place where nobody can find him ever again.

In present day, something terrible begins to happen across the globe as pop stars are being killed off one by one and the latest victim is Justin Bieber who sent out a puckered up photo that reminds Valentina Valencia of the Blue Steel look that Zoolander made famous. But not knowing what happened to the ageless supermodel, she will not be able to ask Zoolander what it could mean, but all five other pop stars that have been killed sent out the same picture.

Staying away from the world in his little cabin, Derek gets a visit from his old friend Billy Zane who has his Netflix and an invite to Don Atari’s latest fashion show. Urging Derek to take the job, to show that he is a fit father so he can get his son back, Billy has one more visit to make before his job is done. Hansel is on the other side of the world and is having issues of his own as he finds out that all of the members from his Orgy party are pregnant. Not knowing if he is ready to be a father yet, he gets the same invite to the Don Atari party and jumps on the opportunity to get back into the fashion game.

With egos running high, Hansel and Zoolander have some unfinished business since when Zoolander’s school collapsed, it scarred Hansel, forcing him to wear a mask for the rest of his days. They try to avoid each other at the airport, but when they find out that they are not main attraction getting off of the plane, they start to realize that their time in the spotlight may have vanished. No matter however, since they have the job on Don Atari’s runway, and it will rekindle more than their careers, but their love for the job and their families. Being drenched by prune juice while the new supermodel All laughs all the way to the bank, the two see that it is really over, but when Valentina comes calling for information, Derek is able to work out a deal to find out where his son is, as long as he helps to find out what the look on the deceased pop stars faces really means.

With the look being from an old campaign, Derek finds that his work is done and Valentina makes good on her word and finds out that Derek Jr. is in Rome, which will make it easier to pick him up. Finding the orphanage, Derek sees that his son is fat and not part of his supermodel lineage, or at least not how he thinks. Trying to reconnect with Jr., Derek does everything that he likes, but Jr. is not interested in all the glamor stuff, he is just fine reading a book. As Derek figures out that he may never be a part of his son’s life again with the hate and blame sent his way for the good looking father not being there and killing Matilda, he heads back to the agency to find out what they have figured out in their case.

All the while, Hansel is getting calls from an unknown voice trying to give him clues of where to meet and find out who is behind the killings. Finding out that there is another part of the Adam and Eve story, Steve has been hidden from the pages of both testaments for a reason, not only because he was the first supermodel on earth, but he and his descendants carry the Fountain of Youth within them and the eater of their heart gets the gift of ever lasting life. Putting the pieces together and finding out that the next descendant on the list is Derek Jr., Zoolander, Hansel and Valentina jump into action to find the missing boy and rescue him from the only man who can plan such a strange event...Mugatu.

I will forewarn you, if you were not a fan of the first Zoolander movie, you probably will not like this one any better. There are plenty of throwback jokes to the original, which was nice and more cameos than you have ever seen in a movie, but the storyline is not that powerful. The part of the movie that kept me interested was the relationship between Derek and Jr. and wondering how and if the two could ever truly connect. Hansel was just his normal self and trying to make sure everyone loves one another, and even has some great acrobatic skills to help in the rescue of the boy. Valentina was just wonderful and her not being as dense as Derek and Hansel made the movie fun, but you could tell she had a downfall or two of her own. I was entertained, and I was not looking for anything to blow me away, since most of my friends have told me it is just a silly movie to cater to the fans that loved the first movie so much. So, if you're looking for silly humor, pop stars, Justin Bieber being gunned down, Sting, a little bit of action and an Orgy that just will not stop, this is the movie for you.

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