Nerds That Geek Movie Review - 'Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!'

Written by Scott 'Sharky' Edwards

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No! arrived three years ago with all of its finny goodness and you may be asking yourself, why? Because the world needs more Sharknadoes, that’s why! Without pulling any punches throughout, you can surely say that this movie bites, and in the best way, since there could be no stopping the Sharknadoes this time with their power and size growing as they continue to ransack the United States, there is only one man for the job to save our country and possibly the world, Fin Shepard.

Fin is rushing to the White House to receive a Presidential commendation and when he arrives, he knows he is still viewed as the hero he never wanted to be. Being accosted by fans and reporters, Fin just wants to make sure that everyone will be okay when the next storm hits. Stepping outside, away from the hoopla, the President joins him, but their conversation is short lived as Fin can smell the storm moving in. Before getting the President back inside, the sky opens up and releases its terror of sharks on Washington D.C. and there may be no escape for anyone. Being the most powerful storm to date, the Sharknado flings its large mouth accomplices through the monuments causing a greater threat than before.

Running through the White House with the President, trying to get him to his bunker is more of a task than Fin could have ever expected as the sharks already have their sights on the Commander-In-Chief. When the bunker is no longer safe to keep the head of the United States within its walls Fin is looking for a larger weapon to bring to the fight and the President is happy to abide. Hitting up the armory, Fin and the President take to the main floor and unleash hell on the flying sharks, ripping them to shreds with small arms fire. When all seems to be well, Fin steps outside and sees that the Sharknado has dissipated on its own, something that it has never done before and now Fin has another mission to complete, to get to his family before they fall victim to the powerful threat.

April and Claudia are in Orlando, enjoying a sunny afternoon. As Claudia is let loose in the Universal Studios Theme Park, April and her mother are staying by the pool and have some mother/daughter time. Although her mother is not happy about Fin not being with them, as April is pregnant, April understands what her man is up to. When a shark falls out of the sky without a storm, April knows that there is something on the horizon and it is going to be bad. Needing to find her daughter and take her to safety, April is not able to connect via her cell phone and that is only the beginning of their problems in the theme park.

With the airports shut down due to the mass of Sharknadoes that are hitting the Eastern Seaboard, Fin has to drive down to Orlando from D.C., but the road may be more dangerous than even he could have expected. Driving into a large patch of fog, Fin sees that the sharks are lively in any sort of wet weather. Without his tools of destruction handy, Fin is on his own when a shark comes barreling through his window, but out of the corner of his eye, he sees a masked person that might be as good at killing sharks as he is. Removing her mask, Fin sees that Nova, his former waitress, has followed in his footsteps and is more than prepared for the onslaught of Sharknadoes that are coming. With her friend and geek guy Lucas tracking the storms, they are ready for whatever in their armor-plated RV.

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Convincing the two to take him south, Fin now has an armored ride, but it can only take him so far when the three see that the bridges have been knocked out. Needing to get to Orlando and fast, they head to a military base and are able to procure an old fighter jet.  Since Nova and Fin both know how to fly, sort of, they leave Lucas behind with his truck, but a silent storm moves in on the base and Lucas is torn limb from limb before being able to hunker down for safety. Knowing that his time will be short, Lucas knows he can take out the threat with his last breath and hits the self-destruct button on the RV, dissipating the Sharknado so his friends can safely take off and get to Fin’s family before it is too late. The skies are clear, but there are plenty of Sharknadoes abound while flying down the coast and before Fin and Nova are able to reach Orlando, they have to take one shot at saving the Daytona 500 before everyone is engulfed by the storm. Dropping their fuel tank into the storm and igniting it, the venue is saved, but alas, some of the drivers are no more than tasty morsels in a shark’s belly.

After their plane gets hit by a flying hunter, the two have to eject but are close enough to their final destination to make a run for the theme park. Using his phone GPS, Fin is able to meet up with April and try to find their daughter Claudia while she is still missing. Making their way through Universal, the sharks have taken over every ride, every event and everyone making their presence known. Taking a picture next to Jaws may not be the best idea when sharks are raining from the sky as one spectator finds out the hard way. Finding Claudia, Fin, April and Nova have to formulate a plan of how to take these storms out. Looking at Lucas’s old ideas, they decide that creating a towering inferno that burns hotter than the sun will be the only way to dissolve the storms and being close to Cape Canaveral where NASA is stationed, they may have a shot.

With a wall of Sharknadoes moving in on the Eastern Seaboard, time is limited and Fin has to make a call that could change his life forever. Calling his father for help, Fin sees that his father has always wanted to be the hero in the family and can formulate a plan to burn the flying menace out of the sky. Firing up his old shuttle, Fin’s father is ready for action with his son, but April is forced to join when her only way of retreat is taken out. The three blast off and release their rockets and fuel tanks into the storm, but it is not hot enough to make a difference. Working on the Star Wars project many years ago, Fin’s father knows that it has enough power to vaporize the threat and making a call to his old buddy back on Earth, is able to get it put into action. But the outdated technology is not as reliable in space as they would hope and the Colonel is forced to activate it by hand.  

Being in space and saving the day, the Colonel has become the hero he has always wanted to be, but the problem of fuel and being able to reenter the atmosphere has become a grave concern. That and the sharks that have been jettisoned into space, are still very hungry. With sharks getting into the shuttle's cargo hold, Fin has to dispose of them before heading back to Earth and with a laser chainsaw at his side, he may be able to get the job done. But there is only so much he can do and not being able to see all of the new shark space debris heading towards the ship, it gets destroyed and sends himself and April into the clutches of some nasty space sharks. The only safe way now to return to Earth is within the shelter of a shark's belly, Fin and April make it back to the ground and upon arrival, and Fin sees that he has a new member of the family along with his beautiful wife and daughter. But a piece of the shuttle has followed them back and April’s fate is to be decided by us, the fans for the next storm.

Really, a third installment of the Sharknado series and tonight we are going to get a forth? Oh, Hell Yeah! This movie has pretty much left the others in the dust and I can honestly care less about the stock footage they try to use, I honestly think they do it because it was so bad in the first one and the film creators want to prove a point. There is no stopping this franchise and with the return of Nova as a bad ass shark slayer, why would we want to see it end. With cameos coming out of the woodwork in this movie, it is hard to believe that there has been anyone not in one of these movies yet, but on a sad note, you will no longer get to see the cast of The Today Show as they were reporting from location and taken away from us by the threat, but Kelly Ripa will be back, because wine saves everyone in any situation. The sharks have the better kills in this installment, so now I have to wonder what we will have to do to gain the upper hand in the next glorious/grotesque film…Sharknado: The 4th Awakens!

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