The Power of Loss and Grief in 'Captain America: Civil War'

​Written by Shae

So, admittedly, summer is a hard time for me. There's been a lot that's happened over the summer months in the past few years. This last Saturday John took me to see Captain America: Civil War as a way of cheering me up, because that's what best friends do. Watching the film for the third time, I realized that Tony kinda gets a bad rap. Despite my being Team Bucky, there's a whole other mess going on behind Team Stark. We are introduced to it in the beginning of the film as Tony creates a computer holographic program in order to make peace with his parent's death. And despite his on going struggle with PTSD, Tony seems to battle a lot more. The grief he's had over his parents have never gone away.

The third act of the film proves just how easy a wound can be reopened, especially one that never got the chance to close properly. The big reveal that Bucky killed his parents sends Tony over the edge, and almost rightfully so. Whether it was Bucky's fault or not changes nothing. Tony's parents are still dead. No, killing Bucky won't bring them back, and it wouldn't have made Tony feel better. Still, when you're filled with that much guilt, anger, and utter helplessness, it all ends up turning to rage. When Tony finally had an answer, had a chance to make someone pay for his loss, he took that opportunity. No, it wasn't right. But that last scene struck a nerve with me on a personal level.

T'Challa faced the same issues. The loss of his father put him instantly into a murderous rage. He tried to kill Bucky on more than one occasion. And it wasn't until he found the real killer and the real reason behind his father's untimely death that T'Challa made peace with the anger inside of him and accepted what happened far easier than Tony ever had. So what is the difference? Is it cultural? Is it how they each lost their loved ones? Or is it how their relationships were with their respective fathers? Maybe a combination of all three.

Tony never got over the loss of his parents while T'Challa did. Some people get over loss easier than others. At the same time, Tony never had an answer or closure and it suddenly dropped into his lap in the worst possible way while T'Challa had been there when his father passed. Either way, each handled their grief differently and while one was able to move on and forgive the other wasn't. The duality this movie showed on that spectrum was really nice to see. Loss is always a hard thing to deal with. It's not cookie cutter, and while everyone goes through it differently, it was a relief to see that shown on the big screen. Tony is a damaged character and he is flawed. He's also a strong superhero who fights so that others don't have to suffer. That is perhaps the most admirable thing out of all. Tony's still learning, he's still growing...and while he stumbles and screws up, he has the best intentions. That is why I adore Tony. And that is also why I'm now a little bit Team Stark.

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