‘Ted’ Recap: ‘Ejectile Dysfunction’

1/26/2024

Written by John Edward Betancourt

TED -- "Ejectile Dysfunction" Episode 103 -- Pictured: (l-r) Scott Grimes as Matty, Alanna Ubach as Susan -- (Photo by: Elizabeth Morris/PEACOCK)

Caution: This article contains spoilers for Episode Three of ‘Ted’. To revisit the previous episode, click here.

Perhaps one of the best parts of growing up in our modern world, is being able to enjoy some supremely simple and satisfying rites of passage. After all, as a teenager, getting our driver’s license is a huge deal and definitely a signal that we are transitioning from one point of our lives to another. Not to mention, the same applies to our first school dance, our first kiss… and all of those are just wonderful ways to know we’re growing up, and that we’re taking part in experiences that so many have on their way to adulthood. But what’s funny about this, is that we only celebrate and discuss the friendly and fuzzy rites of passage in this life, when in fact, there are others that are considered a bit more taboo in nature.

Such as say… checking out your first porno. Because like it or not, that too is a rite of passage in our teenage years, and it is something that just about every teenage boy seeks out and well, while that is a very simple process now because of the internet and all it offers, there was a time, not that long ago… where that particular rite of passage was no easy task. Because such content was hidden away from prying eyes and well… all of this is top of mind today, simply because this is the rite of passage that John Bennett opted to go through in the next episode of Ted on Peacock. Simply because… he was quite curious about their wonder and Ted only made matters worse by hyping them up through and through.

But of course, he was denied the opportunity to see it in ‘Ejectile Dysfunction’, because of the fact that he needed to be eighteen to view it. So that brought about a wild plan, one where Ted and John would get fake IDs to rent that which they so desired and thanks to the gullibility of the evening clerk at the bookstore, it happened. John was finally able to see what it was all about and just like that; the rite of passage was complete and it of course… quickly led to disaster. Because the tape got stuck in the VCR and not being able to remove it, put the duo in a panic. One where they decided to steal the exact model of that VCR from the school and swap it out so no one would ever be the wiser. But it was too late, the porno was about to be discovered.

For while John and Ted were swapping out that VCR and winning a basketball championship, because that’s how things go when John and Ted get into their shenanigans, Matty and Susan were heading back from a disastrous steak dinner. Wherein Matty not only ate from the kid’s menu to get a cheap steak but made sure to sabotage the meal with a rusty nail to get a free meal and an ungodly amount of shrimp. And upon their return, Susan decided to watch a little television, only to find that the VCR had a tape in it, one that it released its grip upon so the tape could play normally. Which provided Susan with sights untold. The kind that she thought… were want Matty wanted. Because in her mind, this had to be his tape, plain and simple.

So, she made every attempt to seduce Matty to keep him satisfied, since she did not think she was enough if Matty had to turn to porno and that too, was disastrous in nature. Not to mention, John and Ted came to realize that Susan had possession of the tape, which meant that they needed to flee in their minds. Which meant… this whole situation had spiraled beyond anyone’s control. Or so it seemed. Because when Susan asked Blaire for advice about how to be more for Matty, Blaire came to realize… exactly who that tape belonged to. So, she took the fall, and claimed its ownership, and brought the family back together and ended this madness. Because John and Ted did stick their necks out for her.

All of which made, for one wild episode of the show. One that didn’t quite go as deep as the show has in the past, but that’s not a bad thing by any means. Because one big reason we love the Ted franchise is because of how absolutely funny it can be, and it was most certainly that, here. Because this was a rite of passage gone terribly, terribly wrong, and that made for some hilarious television. Especially the Banana Seduction scene. Because Alanna Ubach and Scott Grimes sold the awkward of that and still found a way as actors to just make it side splitting funny, and of course… just the fact that this episode revolves around John’s quest to see a porno, is ridiculously hilarious. So, this episode simply served as a reminder of how wondrously funny this show can be, and it will be interesting to see if hard humor, lovely lessons, or both are the focus of the next chapter of delightful story. Until next time.

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