Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows exists as a compromise. The first film in its series grossed a modest $493 million worldwide, so the brass at Paramount/Viacom/Nickelodeon are sure as shell going to go for a sequel. However, the brass behind the Turtles franchise, now seven years under the umbrella of the entertainment conglomerate, has no doubt heard the fans’ wails that the origin of the characters in the Michael Bay-produced first film was unnecessarily altered. The plot was not only cliché but bears a hard-to-ignore resemblance to 2012’s The Amazing Spider-Man. The CG design for the turtles was mortifyingly ugly, and a toss-up over the fans’ will to have the turtles’ lead adversary, Shredder, be played by an Asian actor, Willam Fichtner, was shoehorned into the plot as a wealthy businessman secretly bankrolling Shredder, while the identity of the Foot Clan’s leader was left a mystery.

So, from the moment this film was marketed it felt as though those same executives were saying, “Look, we get that there’s a lot you didn’t like about the first movie. We’re willing to overlook it, if you are too, and if you’re still on-board for a sequel…We’ll open up the whole toy chest: Here’s your Casey Jones, here’s your Baxter Stockman, here’s your Bebop, your Rocksteady, and Krang…You like Krang right? We’ll get Krang all up in this party for you!”

And so, nothing is ever to be spoken of about the film that came before this one again. In the whole of the films 112 minute runtime, only one previous plot-point is addressed. It’s said by Megan Fox’s April in the middle of a meal in the turtle lair, and everything else is just hand-waved. We’re told that the Turtles “saved the city,” April’s cameraman sidekick Vernon (Will Arnett) has been taking the credit. April and the Turtles are still on an endless vigil to contain the criminal activities of the Foot Clan while the now-revealed Shredder (Brian Tee) remains in jail.

The remainder of the movie’s plot unfolds non-stop during the first act, so I see no point in going any slower: Shredder is about to be transported upstate by a prison escort led by corrections officer Casey Jones (Stephen “Arrow” Amell) with Bebop (Gary “Uncle Ruckus” Anthony Williams) and Rocksteady (Stephen “Sheamus” Farrelly) along for the ride. The Foot Clan naturally attacks the prison transport truck while the Turtles give chase in a garbage-truck/party wagon playset. Shredder has an ace in the hole in that he’s kept a teleportation device back at his home base with Baxter Stockman (Tyler “Madea” Perry) ready to push the button. He pushes it, and Shredder escapes, but he finds himself transported to a random-metal room in another dimension occupied by Krang (Brad “Ray Romano’s sitcom big brother” Garrett). Krang offers Shredder the opportunity to rule over the city if he finds the two other pieces of the transporter, and summons Krang and the massive war-ship Technodrome, to Earth. Shredder agrees, and Krang hands him a single vial of potent purple mutagen as a means to get rid of the Turtles. Shredder wastes no time in transforming Bebop and Rocksteady into their familiar mutant forms, and the hunt for the teleporter pieces begins.

So, all at once, and in the midst of said high-speed chase scene, we know all the film’s stakes: the search for the teleporter pieces, the threat of Krang and the Technodrome, and the vial of mutagen are all in play throughout the entire film. The mutagen vial even more so, as Jeremy Howard’s Donatello discovers that its properties could be put into reverse, and turn the Turtles into human beings. This is a subplot that threatens the Turtles themselves as Leonardo (Pete Ploszek), wants things to stay as they are, while Raphael (Alan Ritchson) and Michelangelo (Noel Fisher) would possibly like the chance to exist out in the open. It’s a compelling plot concept that doesn’t really go anywhere, as despite the Turtles’ constant arguing, none of them ever really break off or threaten to work outside of the team dynamic because of it.

This film is just loaded with weird asides and plot inconsistencies that manage to keep you slightly out of the way of accepting the character’s actions organically. April spies on Baxter Stockman by quick-changing out of a nerdy fangirl disguise and into a schoolgirl outfit. Nobody else in the crowded mall actually saw that? It also seems to be Halloween night, as at one point Mikey crashes a parade and spends 30 glorious seconds out in the open before he’s yanked back into the sewers by his brothers. Even scenes like Bebop and Rocksteady’s werewolf-like transformation play out in the midst of fat jokes and butt shots, which is appropriate for the characters, but also seems like it’s an excuse to keep the movie’s endless adrenaline levels up. There’s also a scene where the Turtles battle Bebop and Rocksteady in the skies above Brazil. Why? Because it’s cool I suppose…
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There’s a kind of weird dissonance between the scenes that feature human actors, and the other scenes that feature the Turtles, Bebop and Rocksteady, and Krang. Whenever there are moments when the characters actually ARE together, you get a vibe reminiscent of Who Framed Roger Rabbit. The CG animated mutants just don’t behave realistically enough to share the same space. They mow down rows of cars as Casey runs away in the foreground. They catch keycards using their tongues. They skateboard up vertical walls. They get their heads punched through the steel floors of airplanes. Then they just shake their heads afterwards, and say “ablbablbabl” before getting up for more. They behave in a more cartoony fashion than they did in 1987, when they were literal cartoons.

While the randomly picked pantheon of multi-level celebrities in this movie seems like an overall bid for stunt-casting, the cast surprisingly works real well as a whole. Stephen Amell puts in the most miles in the role of Casey Jones, playing surprisingly against type as a crime-fighting vigilante that’s much more silly, punchy, and New-York style crusty than the straight-Arrow he plays on the CW. He runs right alongside April and Vernon to do…human stuff in between the heavily CG turtle scenes, and works earnestly to prove himself to his hard-nosed police chief boss Rebecca Vincent (Laura Linney). Gary Anthony Williams and Sheamus clearly had a lot of fun in the sound booth with Bebop and Rocksteady, as you totally buy them in the role of a pair of bosom buddy mercenaries, just along for the promise that they can break stuff. Sadly, Brian Tee doesn’t get nearly as much of an opportunity to menace as Shredder, and Karai (Brittany Ishibashi) is in here as well, if you look hard enough. The most off-kilter performance in the whole film belongs to Brad Garrett’s Krang. It is as though he’s trying to play both himself and inflect in the same weird alien vocals as Pat Fraley did in the ’87 series. His scenes never really seem to mesh with the rest of the film’s aesthetic, and just serve as an excuse for more CG-animated turtle antics.

So with all these components in place did this movie turn out good? Sort-of. Did the current Turtle house redeem itself in contrast to its first outing? Sort-of. Am I looking forward to another installment? Sort of! The current Turtles holding company has proven they can take the elements that have made up the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’ past legacy, and turn out a serviceable and amusing little popcorn flick. There isn’t anything in here, though, that would make me feel bad about dumping the whole bowl back down the sewer, and mutating it all over again.  

Warcraft hits theaters on June 10th, the feature film milestone based on Blizzard’s hit video game franchise, spanning as far back as 1994. The film has already partaken in a vast amount of pre-screenings, and, no surprise, the reviews have been pretty rotten. The main criticism is that the two- hour runtime of the film boils down the full book of Warcraft lore into what appears to be a pretty by the numbers fantasy flick, made to be taken slightly less serious by the ever-presence of the CG, motion-captured orcs. These orcs, made to exactly resemble the orcs of the video game series are just big, glossy, leathery beings with sloped foreheads, speaking erudite English through pairs of protruding lower tusks, supposedly breaking the realism…of a complete and utter fantasy film.

The general issue I have with most pre-screening reviews is that the film critics, internet movie buffs notwithstanding, often look at what is presented as a film as its own, and overlook the subtle nuances presented by a franchise film, which already has a lore and history that is well known and appreciated by long-time consumer media geeks like us. But the criticism of Warcraft’s orcs somehow seemed especially unfair, because as a fantasy franchise, the Warcraft series has elevated the concept of the orc much higher than any fantasy concept that ever came before it. How do you ask? Well, that requires a bit of literary exploration.

The creature that we call “orc” originated in the lore of J.R.R. Tolkien, and his iconic series of Middle Earth adventures, the word “orc” deriving from the latin “Orcus” meaning, “creature of the underworld, from which we also derive the root of the established “Ogre.” Orcs have always occupied a middle-ground in terms of marginally intelligent humanoid fantasy monsters, always falling somewhere between mountainous Ogres and small, pesky goblins. In terms of capability, they are described as being large, muscular, frequently green-skinned, though not-as-often scaly or reptilian. Tolkien described them as being fanged, wide-mouthed, and flat-eyed, while the earliest D&D modules gave them literal pig-faces with boar tusks.

In terms of personality, orcs are often described as slow-witted, quick to anger and violence, and favored to primitive and taboo practices like cannibalism. Already with this description certain sociological alarm bells tend to go off in our heads in regards to what we’re being told. To both Tolkien and Gygax, the orc was created for the sole purpose of having a fictional societal other, a being that immediately appears to be behind our social standing, and therefore, appropriate to stab with a sword and fill with arrows. Of course, in both fantasy fiction and role playing games there are plenty of other creatures that exist for the same purpose: goblins, troglodytes, and so on. There are also plenty of perfectly evil human beings running around. But given that the orc was invented solely to populate the armies of Middle Earth’s demonic entity Sauron, and in D&D they’re made to serve…as a simple battle to gain XP and possibly gold. These early interpretations seem too easy and too facilitating to the detriment of the orc, that we have a tendency to think that this is propaganda. There has to be more to a thriving society of people than that.

And so our geeky forefathers began to embark upon what might have been the very first anthropological elevation of a fictional fantasy monster. This was most easily seen in further modules of the D&D role-playing game. Without the fear of differentiating itself from its Tolkien-based source material, the pig-faced orc vanished in favor of a form more akin to Tolkien’s descriptions. In time orc villages and civilizations began popping up in campaigns, although they were still violent and off limits to the player characters. It wasn’t until the 2nd edition of Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, that we got the first playable character orc modules.

As a player character, the orc is “suggested” to be in the role of a fighter, barbarian, or monk, with their alignments always skewing to the neutral, evil and chaotic, illustrating that our initial perceptions of the wicked dullard were not burned out of the race, even though it was likely that individuals playing their own orc characterized them in any way they pleased. As our perceptions of player creations became more general over time, it became common to see orc clerics, that is, orcs that had actual religion, along with any orc class under the sun. Many descriptions of the “enlightened orc” suggest a lone rogue orc came in contact with human society, and was able to be given a sense of education and civilization.

There was still one key component missing in the societal acceptance of the orc, and that was the acknowledgement that orc society as it stood could not be as heinously savage and standard-bearing evil as it was first interpreted. This is where Warcraft comes in. In its earliest iterations, Warcraft was a real time strategy game, pitting the standard side of the fantasy pantheon containing humans, dwarves, and gnomes, collectively called “The Alliance,” against the goblins, ogres, and orcs, called “The Horde.” What Warcraft did that its fantasy forefathers hadn’t done before, was put you in command of an entire army of the types of monsters you usually slain in a standard D&D game.

The orcs, as always, stood in the center of the whole melee, and as you played, you couldn’t help but be charmed as members of your orc battalion whimpered “yes master,” as you commanded them, whined “nope, too hungry” when resources were depleted, and even “*belch* ‘scuse me…” whenever they were left idle. The need to interpret an orc army into a set of playable characters made the orc seem relatively human for the very first time.

As the lore expanded in World of Warcraft, we got a glimpse into the inner workings of The Horde as a whole. The player became immersed, walking among the villages and pavilions of many societies, the orc among them. We began to see orcs as members of pre-modern society, living in grass huts alongside shamans and priests, who hunt, farm and raise families. We learned the names of their leaders, the standards of their way of life, and we were introduced to famous orcs like Thrall and Garrosh, who were destined to make up the cornerstones of a movie based on Warcraft if one were ever made. Sure, they were still angry, and they were still war-like, but you would be too if you happened to be seen as a monster, living on the other side of a line drawn between the ugly and cute beings of the planet. They don’t live with the intrinsic need to be mean. It is ultimately society which does these things to us.

Our ability to see the orc as a diverse race with qualities not unlike our own was an inevitability. After all, objects of fantasy worlds tend to come out of our own imaginations. Once we became of diverse minds, it simply became less and less reasonable to think that beings capable of any level of civilization were limited to mere hate, even if the entire purpose of their creation was created in fiction to do exactly that. Which leaves us all with the simplest lesson the orc can treat your standard-wash film critic about prejudice: we only resent how the orcs look, based on what is on the outside. What Blizzard entertainment has shown us in over two decades of Warcraft is that there is much more to a human conflict than can be illustrated to us merely by using humans. When Warcraft finally does release on June 10th, I’ll be happy to see what the film does in furthering my opinion of this fascinating fictional race. ​

Since Shae has decided to come along for the ride on this venture, and taking shots at me for my choices, I will happily react to them in my own way.  For some reason she likes to get me a little fired up and that is not always a bad thing, but maybe not a good thing for her…Hail Hydra.  But this is not a Marvel discussion, it belongs to the long loved James Bond who has been taking on adventure after adventure over the past fifty years. So let us break down Shae’s choices and give her a little counter punch, metaphorically of course, I would not punch anyone for stating their beliefs. 
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Idris Elba? – Now I said in my original blog that I he would be great as the next Bond, but I was trying to steer away from the English actors and break free of what has been stereotyped ever since the inception of this series. I have no problems with Elba, he has been in several great movies, Prometheus being my favorite by far.  While he has the looks from playing Heimdall in the Thor series, what about someone that is not English? Why don’t we go with Morgan Freeman, since he has the voice and has been able to deliver in roles right and left for many of our lifetimes. Even if he is not able to complete the action part of the roles, special effects can handle that and just imagine what his one liners would sound like with that incredible voice.

​Benedict Cumberbatch? – What woman would not want to see Benedict in the role of Bond? It’s just like asking who was the best Doctor in Doctor Who?  If she says any other name than David Tennant, she is lying. I don’t have a problem with this choice, but Benedict only plays one character…Benedict. He has been able to make this work for Sherlock, but if it is only his voice that captivates audiences in his movies, then can we update that with someone that can embody the character?  I would rather see a character actor take over the role of Bond and can think of no one better than the great Gary Cole.  The one thing that I have always loved about watching Cole on the big or small screen, he never plays the same person twice.  It is an amazing talent and should be rewarded with a franchise of some sort.

Daisy Ridley? – You know, I know very little about her at this point, only that she kicked butt in the latest Star Wars movie.  I would like to see more from her before awarding her the first female Bond lead in the series as I already laid out in my previous picks.  So this will require some thought…Zoe Bell.  If you are looking for an actress that can come on screen and kick some major ass, there is no one better. Coming up in the industry as a stunt woman, she has over thirty acting credits to her name right now and each movie is showing a different side of her. I am sure if there would be a throw down between actresses that could play this role flawlessly, Bell would have to be one of my top choices.
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Well there you go. I am sure that this will be going on for a while until Shae and I are able to hash this out.  I am not saying that any choice is wrong on here, just counteracting them with someone that is not English, which is why I wrote the blog to begin with since I am tired of the same old Bond. I would love to see a change to the series and see how the writers would have to incorporate it into the scripts.  We're just having a good time over here and trying to make sure that Shae knows that she has been SERVED!  Hail Hydra and Thanks for Reading.

I am not going to lie. This blog is legitimately in retaliation to Scotty's Bond Blog. While Scotty had some amazing picks, I can't say I agree with them. We don't seem to be seeing eye to eye over a lot of geeky things lately, and this is just another topic we seem to differ on. The actors chosen by Scotty were really good, and a lot of them I didn't see coming. That being said, here are my picks for the next James Bond.
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The talk of this actor being the next James Bond has been going about for quite some time, and I stand by it. Idris Elba. Based on just his voice alone, his voice is so silky smooth...also he is a really talented actor. From voicing the infamous Shere Khan to playing the imposing, all knowing, Heimdall. Elba is an amazing choice to be 007 based on his amazing talent. That iconic voice saying the name alone, it would be utterly amazing to hear him say "Bond, James Bond." Which is why he is my number one pick.