Things I've Learned from 'Torchwood'

Written by Shae Rufe

​Now, I don't know how many of you have actually seen Torchwood, so for those of you who haven't it is a spin off and anagram of Doctor Who. This show follows Captain Jack Harkness after the Doctor left him, and after Rose brought him back. Jack can't die; well, rephrase, he can die, just not permanently. The Torchwood Institute was founded after the Doctor and Rose kind of messed some things up. Its purpose is to protect the earth from aliens and what not. 

Jack kind of gets roped into being a part of it on accident, and then ends up running his own branch of it. The series opens with two full seasons, followed by Children of Earth and then Miracle Day. If you haven't seen it, you should. At least the first two seasons. I'm on the fence about the mini-series, for some very personal reasons. So, spoilers?

The first thing Torchwood taught me was how amazing of a character Captain Jack really is. I loved him in Doctor Who, but getting his own show to play with was something else entirely. Captain Jack was more than just this fun, flirty, character that he was originally brought on as. Turns out, he's a whole bag of things. And his life is anything but ordinary. Being from the 51st century might do that to a guy. Jack, however, would be an interesting boss to work for. Maybe that's why I relate to him in a way; he's very flirty, I'm very flirty, it's a whole bonding with a fictional character thing. In that though, John Barrowman is a very flirty person too. And of course, an actor who is so committed to the role that they believe they're the character, makes the audience believe it that much more. This does make Jack utterly fantastic. Beyond being relatable in different aspects though, Jack has a darker side to him. Regardless of the things that have happened, he knows how to get business done when it needs to be done. The big lesson, is that I truly underestimated Jack's character.

I also learned that coffee is a very important part of any business. Even one dedicated to eliminating alien threats. If you're drinking good coffee, you're more apt to do a better job fighting aliens. That's just basic human logic right there. Or, not? Tea is just as important. Personally, I prefer tea over coffee any day. Unless it's a horrible hour of the morning. In which case, just let me sleep. I'm not a morning person. What that has to do with Torchwood, I don't know. But hey! Random Shae Fact! Also, don't underestimate the guy that's making the tea/coffee. He's probably not as mean as he seems. Plus, Ianto was just pretty. And turned out to be handy. Speaking of Ianto, always make an effort to get to know your co-workers and be nice to them. Because you never know if they're secretly hiding a half converted Cyberman (woman?) in the office basement. And, really, you shouldn't do that because it's not a polite thing to do. 

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​I mean, not all of us have co-workers we like (unlike me, mine are all wonderful), but you shouldn't put them in life threatening danger. Cybermen just shouldn't be messed with period. End of story. If your partner was being turned into one, and you saved them halfway through, it's like a little too late. Just let them go. That's so heartless and I'm sure easier said than done. There's no reasoning with Cybermen though. It's why they're terrifying. Just, avoid Cybermen attacks and you won't be put in that situation. 

Torchwood also taught me that you should never sleep with your co-workers. Unless you're Ianto and Jack, because that worked out okay. But if you're like Gwen and Owen, just don't do it. It won't end well, everyone will be sad, and angry, and all kinds of things. So just avoid that situation all together. Especially if you have a fiancé and cheat on them. Unless you have Retcon. Then you can just tell them you cheated, and erase their memories. Retcon in general is pretty cool. Talk about a get-out-of-anything card. I guess Torchwood taught me that I need to be a chemist and make a pill that erases the last 24 hours of someone’s memory. That's completely okay to use on anyone, with no negative side effects. Unless you give it to them constantly and train them to have certain 'kill' commands like Suzy did. That's just mean. But also, effective.

If you're an alien, and you come to earth to check things out, chances are you will most likely get shot. Or shagged. Depending on Jack's mood, there's no telling which could happen. Maybe even both, in a different order. If you're a human possessed by an alien, there's an 85% chance of you dying. And if you're an alien unaware that you're an alien, you're definitely, probably, going to die. And giant bee/wasp/bugs are not okay. Ever. Under any circumstance. Just ask Martha.

Torchwood was far darker than Doctor Who in many aspects, and it taught me, above all, that even main characters are not safe from the cold, icy, grip of death. Before Game of Thrones existed, Torchwood was ripping my heart in half, stomping on it, and eating the remains. I love this series, don't get me wrong, but dude…it hurt me in ways I didn't know I could be hurt in. Supernatural did the same thing, only worse, it gave me hope. Torchwood took that hope away and took me down a darker road. But the biggest life lesson that Torchwood taught me, was that humans are the most dangerous beings in the universe. One episode, my personal favorite of the entire series, features humans trapping, killing, and eating innocent tourists. Not because of anything alien, not because anything forced them to, but because they could. And that, my fellow fans, was something that has struck me to the very core. I get chills every time I watch that episode. Then again, Torchwood also made me want a Pterodactyl as the office pet...I might have to convince John and the others.

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