Things I've Learned from Shark Media

Written by Shae 'Miss Mako' Rufe

​Guys! It’s Shark Week!? Did you know that? I knew that. I really feel like Shark Week should really be Shark Month. Wait... a whole month of Sharks!? That might be too much Shark. So instead, we’re gonna talk about what Sharks have taught me. And by Sharks, I mean Shark media. Granted, my media experience with sharks is somewhat limited, since I’m not really a big fan of things that can eat me. So, if you didn’t know this about me, I’ve lived in some tropical areas in my day. Both Florida and Hawaii have been my homes respectively for some time. My Shark experience was never made personal, thankfully. But hey, we’ve all heard of those scary instances, right!?

Jaws is likely one of the most well-known Shark movies. Actually, it’s probably safe to say that Jaws is the Shark movie. That movie has probably been responsible for so many fears of the water…I know for a fact that it scared me for a bit. Come on, a blood thirsty Shark picking off people one by one? Jaws taught me that if you hear some pretty intense music, you should get out of the water. Or something’s chasing you. Or both. Also, did anyone else notice that Jaws got larger and larger as the movie went on? I never did until I was forced to analyze it for a class on film. Jaws not only gets bigger, but hungrier and far more murder-y. Shark bites aren’t anything to laugh at, but I always loved the scene at the end where we see this massive shark eating a boat. I felt bad for the captain though…I don’t want to be eaten whole by a shark. Jaws also taught me that you should not try and kill the people-eating shark infesting your waters, because it will most likely kill you. Seriously. It’s just really bad for everyone involved. 

Jaws also taught me that sometimes, the only way to kill a human eating monster is to blow it up with giant oxygen tanks, and a massive spear. I’m pretty sure that’s some kind of animal cruelty, but it did eat people. And boats. There was no stopping this massive shark. I’m also willing to bet that Jaws was really just a metaphor for something, but it could also just be a literal monster. Jaws 2 taught me that there was a sequel to this movie. That… I never watched. I presume more people get eaten?

---

​Sharknado taught me that if you have a tornado near an ocean, you get a massive twister filled with sharks, and that just makes being on land ten times deadlier. Also, who knew tornadoes needed to be more terrifying. Did Syfy sit down and have a conversation? ‘Hey guys, what could make a tornado scarier? Oh! I know! Let’s add sharks!’ Well, it worked. Not only am I scared of Sharks and Tornadoes, now every time there’s a bad storm, I’m scared there’s going to be a tornado raining sharks.

Of course, I can’t sit here and ignore all the shark documentaries that have been on TV lately. It’s hard to flip through and not turn on one and watch it for hours. Not only are sharks utterly efficient killing machines, they’re also horrific, transforming, nightmares! Anyone else seen the Goblin Shark?! I have! It’s fascinating! I don’t want to like it, it scares me, but it is pretty cool. Tiger sharks are my favorite though, just because of how ruthless they are. I mean, even before they’re born, they kill their siblings. And eat them. Yes, that’s gross and I apologize, but it’s also a massive life lesson. Be nice to your siblings; especially if you’re a twin!

Above all, I’ve learned to be lucky I’m not a shark. And to stay out of the ocean. I’m just not an ocean fan period, so that’s kind of okay with me. Sharks are scary and not to be messed with. Unless they’re the ones from Finding Nemo. Which taught me that sometimes sharks have support groups and try not to eat fish. Kind of like AA meetings, but less successful. I’m pretty sure real sharks never sat down and thought ‘hey, let’s not eat fish!’. The Little Mermaid was my first introduction to sharks, and the big one that tries to eat Ariel was pretty scary. Especially when I was little. I guess that’s a good thing since I’ve never felt the need to go hug a shark, or even try to befriend it…

---