The Fictional Sporting Event Bucket List

Written by Zeke Perez Jr.

The Super Bowl is the spectacle of all spectacles in the U.S. sporting world. The hype, pageantry, and competition on the grandest stage attracts die-hards and casual fans alike, with over 100 million people in the United States alone tuning in every year. It’s the dream event. Tickets average between $2,500 and $3,000 for any given Super Bowl. As of this writing, the cheapest ticket for Super Bowl LIII will cost you $2,800 (not including fees) just to get in the door and into a nosebleed seat. For many people, attending the Super Bowl is a once-in-a-lifetime event. For many more, it is something that resides only on their bucket list.
 
I, of course, would love to attend the Super Bowl someday (preferably when the Broncos are in it). Dreaming of a Super Bowl trip got me thinking about other impossible sporting events that would be on my sports bucket list. I decided to think back on some of my favorite sports movies and decide which fictional events I would most like to attend if given the chance. For this, I only looked at fictional sports movies, so I didn’t look at films like Miracle or The Fighter which essentially rehash real events in true-to-life fashion. There are 11 picks because I’m indecisive. The picks are loosely ranked, also because I’m indecisive and I love them all. Let’s rumble!
 
11. Sidney & Billy vs. King & Duck (White Men Can’t Jump)
Not a big, Earth-shattering, well publicized, high-stakes, or even professional event, but it would be a blast to see the finesse and dynamic prowess of the Sidney Deane-Billy Hoyle basketball hustler duo. Honestly, I’d really just enjoy watching Wesley Snipes and Woody Harrelson play streetball together.
 
10. Final Day’s Bobsled Race (Cool Runnings)
Getting the chance to attend the Olympics is already very cool. Getting the chance to attend the Olympics while Jamaica puts forth a Cinderella-story bobsled team? As Andre 3000 would ask, what’s cooler than being cool? Ice cold. The moment where the team crosses the finish line is uplifting and beautiful.
 
9. New York Nets vs. Flint Tropics on Corn Dog Night (Semi-Pro)
As the ABA’s Flint Tropics were in the midst of a mission to keep the team alive by winning a spot in the NBA, they hosted a free corn dog giveaway if the team scored 125 points. After getting to watch Jackie Moon block his own teammates shot, do you know what else you’d get if you could attend this game? CORN DOGS, JACKIE! Corn dogs for all these people! P.S. Woody Harrelson again. He can hoop.  
 
8. Benny ‘The Jet’ Rodriguez Steals Home (The Sandlot)
The mythos of stealing home plate is a powerful one. Stealing home still happens once every blue moon in the MLB, but not as frequently as it used to (like when Ty Cobb stole eight in one season in 1912 or 54 over his entire career, the absolute thief). It is rare and majestic. There is one occurrence in particular I would want to be in the stands for, and that’s saying a lot because this occurrence would require me to cheer for the L.A. Dodgers. Only one person could get me to do that: my childhood idol, Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez.
 
7. 1998 Bourbon Bowl (The Waterboy)
One of the greatest buzzer-beater comebacks in one of the greatest David vs. Goliath games in college history. It’d be like if in 2018 Rutgers knocked off Alabama with the help of a walk-on aquatic engineer turned championship game MVP. 

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​6. Adonis Creed vs. Viktor Drago (Creed II)
The legacy matchups to end them all. You’ve got the deep drama of Creed avenging his father’s death. You’ve got power personified in Viktor Drago. You’ve got boxing legends Rocky Balboa and Ivan Drago in either corner. Brutal battles in each match. These are fights that are not to be missed.
 
5. International Tournament Championship (D2: The Mighty Ducks)
The youth tournament featuring the miracle D-5 team from the first Mighty Ducks movie would be the most compelling of Ducks’ events story-wise. But the tournament in D2 features so much crazy stuff. You would get to see all of the following: the flying V; the Bash Brothers fighting the entirety of Team Iceland; a (definitely illegal) mid-game uniform change; Julie ‘The Cat’ Gaffney replacing Goldberg in net; Russ disguising himself as Goldberg and hitting a knucklepuck goal; a shootout in the gold medal game. And, the piece de resistance, you’d get to see the cowboy Dwayne straight up lasso an opponent like that’s something remotely reasonable to do in a hockey game.
 
4. Any Rockford Peaches Game, but Especially the World Series (A League of Their Own)
I’m cheating a little with this one, as it is based on the real-world All-American Girls Professional Baseball League. However, the movie itself is a highly-fictionalized retelling, so I’m counting it. The league and the women in it were legendary. It would be historic to get to see Dottie and Kit’s sibling rivalry play out in the 9th inning of the 7th game of the Peaches-Belles World Series.
 
3. The Tour Championship (Happy Gilmore)
Every now and then, you get the feeling that you’re witnessing sports history right as it unfolds. There’s nothing like being part of a movement or a craze and that’s what you’d experience if you could witness the Happy Gilmore insanity sweeping the nation. Everyone was glued to golf. Oh, what I wouldn’t give to see Happy sink the 18th hole trick shot to win the gold jacket.
 
2. Rocky vs. Creed Rematch (Rocky II)
One of THE greatest fights in boxing history. Rocky claims the title over Apollo Creed in a ferocious fifteen round bout after a double knockdown and dramatic KO finish. Add in all the trash-talk and theatrics leading up to the fight and you’ve got yourself a classic you can’t miss.
 
1. Tune Squad vs. Monstars (Space Jam)
The only correct answer for the number one spot. Seriously, you’ve got 90s Michael Jordan teaming up with cartoon characters against aliens imbued with the talents of other NBA superstars (and Shawn Bradley) fighting an intergalactic battle for freedom, with a cameo from Bill Murray, all taking place in Looney Tune Land! There’s no way you don’t make a priority out of attending that.

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