More Creatures I'm Glad Don't Exist

Written by Shae Rufe

It's Halloween! My favorite holiday of the year and while I didn't get to dress up at work today, that's fine because I still get to celebrate this awesome day! So, in the spirit of all things spooky I thought we'd talk about more creatures I'm glad aren't real. I really wish Clowns weren't, sadly, they are. If you're considering clown as a career path, I beg you, please don't. I would cry. 

Vampires are awesome, in literature, except for the Twilight series. Sorry to any fans out there, but Twilight ruined vampires for the modern era for a time. Thankfully the old classic vampires came back. We've always shown them as suave, sexy, and utterly irresistible. In a lot of lore, they have tragic back stories that they have to overcome. 9 times out of 10 the vampire protagonist we love, was turned against their will. Whether they were or weren't isn't really up for debate here, because even a good vampire is a vampire. Like my dad says 'there's only a good pirate because there's a worse pirate.' Which I think applies here. The idea of living forever, staying young, and attracting anyone you want comes at a price. The lore suggests the soul is given up, and of course there's the blood sucking. Which, dude, we somehow romanticize that, but imagine having two sharp teeth sink into your neck....bad idea. So, while they're fun to read about, let's be glad we don't find these bloodsuckers tapping at our windows in the middle of the night.
 
Werewolves are no different. From Blood and Chocolate to even Harry Potter, our ideals of a werewolf have changed. There are the stories where they can turn freely between a wolf and a human, and the more older legends about werewolves transforming under the full moon. For decades these stories have entranced generations. Where there is a vampire story there is typically a werewolf one. Regardless of which mythos we believe in, werewolves are serious business. They'll hunt you down and nom on you, so really....let's just be glad they're not real.

Talking animals may not seem scary, but hear me out here. You're on your bed, minding your own business, when bam! Your dog tells you something. Or your cat calls you stupid. Yes, animals do that in their own special ways now, but for real though, if animals started talking, we would be doomed. Cats could yell, dogs wouldn't shut up about playing games or wanting food, and the whole world would descend into chaos. Talking animals always looks cute, and the idea sounds awesome. Who wouldn't want to hold a conversation with their pet? But think of the ramifications to that. Animals know what you do behind closed doors. Animals also know what you say about other people when it's just you two. Above all, they know where you keep the food.​

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