Geek Fantasy Football: Superhero Team Edition

10/23/2017

Written by Zeke Perez Jr.

Football season is well underway, and with that, so is fantasy football. As many have stated, fantasy football toes the line between nerdiness and sports fanaticism. Assembling the best team, meticulously comparing stats, strategizing for the fictional victory; it’s no different than D&D in some ways. So I’m going to embrace the nerdiness! Maybe even take it a step further. I’m creating a fantasy team of my own; one comprised of superheroes.

NFL players are almost heroic in their own right. They’ve got abilities that the average human does not. They can run faster, lift more, and hit harder. They display feats of great acrobatics regularly. But what if the players all had actual superpowers? Below, I’ve put together a football roster composed of the best and boldest Marvel and D.C. heroes. They are matched to their respective positions based on their skills, strengths, and intangibles. Teams don’t get more superheroic than this one.

Hero team… ASSEMBLE!

Offense / Head Coach

Quarterback: Captain America - Natural leader. Raw talent and athleticism. Has an interesting side-arm throw, almost as if he’s tossing a shield, but great QB skills despite the windup.

Running Back: Flash - Blistering speed. 40 yard dash time at the combine was off the charts. It’s almost as though he runs faster than time itself.

Fullback: Luke Cage - He has so much power, man! Very hard to bring down; matches up well with defenders. Durable player thanks to his dense skin. Can withstand plenty of hits.

Wide Receiver: Mr. Fantastic - Size is valuable in a wide receiver and he has plenty to spare. Stretches out to make big plays. There shouldn’t be many (or any) passes that aren’t in his range…

Wide Receiver: Wonder Woman - A true athlete; she can do it all! Well balanced. Her hand-to-hand combat skills are useful for fighting off coverage at the line. From there, she has immense speed and power to get up field. Known to lasso in passes, left and right.

Tight End: Martian Manhunter - Like a Swiss army knife in terms of his powers and abilities. His superhuman strength, durability, and invisibility should come in handy as a blocker, while his flight and telekinesis benefit him when receiving. Shape-shifting is an asset in either role.

Left Tackle: Colossus - An impenetrable force on the line’s blindside. Very level-headed and composed, reducing the risk of unnecessary penalties. Provides the type of armor-like defense the QB needs.

Left Guard: Thing - Kicks off the team’s nasty interior offensive line, a.k.a. ‘The Thing Trio’. Brings rock-solid power to the left side. Clobbers defensive linemen when the time is right.

Center: Man-Thing - Definitely got some brains in there, as he was formerly a biochemist. Pair that with his strength and durability and you’ve got yourself a fine center.

Right Guard: Swamp Thing - Another essentially immovable mass on the line. His strength is tied into his connection to the Earth, so when he has the time to connect with the football field, he’ll definitely hold things down.

Right Tackle: Cyborg - His mechanically-enhanced metallic body makes him impervious to chop moves and other maneuvers defensive lineman might use against him.

Head Coach: Nick Fury - Has an uncanny ability to bring folks together. Fury will excel at unifying this team of heroes.

Defense / Special Teams

Left Defensive End: Black Widow - On the small side for a DE, but has the sort of stealthy finesse moves coming off the edge that will allow her to slip in the backfield easily. Can be lethal sneaking up on the QB’s blindside.

Defensive Tackle: Hulk - You’ve surely heard a lineman referred to as ‘hulking’ before. Well, here you go. No trouble stopping things at the line. Comes with major pass-rush upside too. Will likely get angrier as the game goes on, only leading to more carnage.

Defensive Tackle: She-Hulk - See above, but with more mental and emotional stability.

Right Defensive Tackle: Thor - Skilled at combat, he can fight off and maneuver past offensive linemen to bring the hammer down on the quarterback. After tearing through an army of Frost Giants, going one-on-one with a lineman should come easy.

Left Outside Linebacker: Iron Man - Powerful and speedy with great awareness. J.A.R.V.I.S. will help him diagnose and anticipate the play early, allowing him to decide in a split-second whether to rush or drop back into coverage. Can fire repulsor rays at the ballcarrier.

Middle Linebacker: Superman - His well-rounded abilities lend him to the MLB position. Seriously, what can’t he do? Has size, superhuman strength, speed, ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound. Mix in great senses, you’ve got a great quarterback of the defense.

Right Outside Linebacker: Batman - Undrafted due to his lack of powers, Batman compensates with exceptional athletic prowess. Seems to have exactly what is needed at the right moment.

Cornerback: Spider-Man - Whether in man or zone coverage, his Spidey-senses allow for great play recognition and reaction time to the ball. Web shooters can snatch the ball away in the rare instances that he does get beat by his receiver.

Cornerback: Silver Surfer - Swift and agile. Ability to glide around the field and cover opposing wideouts. His sharpened senses allow him to detect objects from lightyears away, so 10 or 20 yards should be no problem. Full field coverage ability.

Free Safety: Daredevil - Heightened senses make him a great fit at the FS position. Daredevil compensates for his visual impairments with an ability to anticipate the ball. Always one step ahead of his opponents, The Man Without Fear is a prototypical ‘ball hawk’ safety, but he can lay down a solid tackle too.

Strong Safety: Punisher - Safeties are known for big hits. The Punisher tends to have one thing on his mind: doling out pain. Won’t stop until he brings the ball carrier down. Based on their past relationships, the team will need to monitor how Punisher and Daredevil work together in the secondary; could be volatile.

Kicker: Green Arrow - Extremely accurate. Although his skills are in archery, they were honed through years of practice. Mix a little effort with his martial arts background and he should have a strong enough leg to excel as a kicker.

Punter: Stan Lee - Stan’s gotta make a cameo somewhere! Why not let him punt?

Might. Bravery. Justice. And a powerhouse football team. It was hard to narrow down, and there are plenty of folks who would make the roster of 53, but I feel confident in my starters. What do you think? Anyone you would’ve swapped out? Is Stan Lee a glaring weakness that can’t be overcome? Let me know in the comments or on Twitter (@NerdsThatZeke).

Also, every superhero needs a villain…it stands to reason then that every superhero football team needs a rival team comprised of villains. Stay tuned for my all-bad-guy football team, coming soon on NerdsThatGeek.com!

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