Creatures I'm Glad Don't Exist

Written by Shae Rufe

So, a week or so ago I had a nightmare, which I don't have often, but when I do they're pretty freaky. In my dream I was being chased by zombies, because zombie dreams happen frequently, and then I turned around. And it wasn't just a regular zombie chasing me, no, it was a clown zombie. Out of the list of things that scare me the most, clowns are at the very top. They're they ultimate scary thing. In my dream I had a panic attack, and in real life I woke up, having a panic attack. I freaked out so bad, Avenger (my Maine Coon) came, laid atop me, and nuzzled my face until I calmed down. 1. The power this tiny (well....) creature has is amazing because I calmed down pretty quick with kitty cuddles and purrs. And 2. Who in their right mind dreams of zombie clowns? I'm sure you're going to bring up Zombieland. I'll have you know that the second the girls get to the carnival/theme park I skip ahead. Still, to this day, I have not seen that movie all the way through. If it's got a clown anything in it, I'm out. I've never even been to a circus in my entire life. But, I was thinking about this dream today and I got the idea for this blog. I've done a few 'World's Nobody Wants to Live In' blogs, and I guess this falls kind of into that category, but not? More like Creatures I'm Glad Don't Exist.

Zombies are number one on this list. Let's face it, for all that secret planning we have, a world filled with the living dead would be awful. It would smell so bad, not to mention no power, or running water, or Internet....mostly heat/cooling. Look, I'm a modern girl. I have needs. Mostly ice cream needs. I don't see any Baskin Robins or Cold Stone in the zombie apocalypse. And I sure as hell don't see Pizza Delivery places. How's a girl supposed to get her pizza on? I'm still sticking with the smell though. As fun as not going to work, ever, would be. The stench of walking cannibal corpses is not a price I am not willing to pay. Plus, if someone you love turns into a zombie? I could kill a loved one if they were trying to gnaw me to death, but psychologically that would suck. Especially if they got bit doing something stupid. Zombies are also a breeding ground for bugs, bacteria, and all kinds of gross things....so I'm okay with them staying fiction.
 
Dragons are utterly cool to look at. Every culture has their dragon lore, and let's face it, who wouldn't want one? Me. Granted, I have a pretty epic collection of Dragon Statues, that's as far as it goes. The real deal dragon would be an utterly horrifying creature. There are a ton of stories where dragons are the heroes, sure, but even in films like How to Train Your Dragon, the dragons are a huge problem. Sure, at the end everyone gets their own 'pet' dragon. But up until then, dragons are stealing livestock, burning down buildings, and causing utter mayhem. Dragons are kind of like big cats; they're selfish, they don't share food, they hoard all the cool stuff, and they sleep a lot. The only difference is they breath fire. There isn't a single dragon legend where they don't cough up some flames. Sure, maybe they can be friendly and domesticated, until Drago gets a cold and one sneeze burns down the entire house! Let's not even get into their size.
 
Androids, or Robots, or Cyborgs, no matter how you slice it, and yes, I know there's a huge difference between the three, these are terrifying concepts. Has everyone seen I, Robot? Or maybe The Matrix? How about Terminator​? Okay, so then why do we keep trying to invent these things. Robots and Artificial Intelligence sound like a great idea...until we are dicks to them (because humans can be dicks) and they turn on us. AI's have the potential to be smarter than us. My phone, for example, is smarter than me. It has the ability to remember far more things than I do, and it also knows my weaknesses. As cool as a personal Robot Butler would be, let's be honest, that is a horrifying concept. It's all fun and games until Jeeves 2.0 gets fed up with your human shenanigans and strangles the life out of you without a single thought. Hasn't anyone else played The Sims? The Sims know what you did to exert your power over them. Now, imagine if you gave them the same exact power.....not so comforting now, is it? And Terminator? That one guy could melt into goop, be anyone he wanted, and, oh right, murder all the people! RoboCop freaked me out too much to put anymore thought into this part of my tangent.

Point is, some things are better left in the world of fantasy.

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