Things I've Learned From Superheroes

Written by Shae Rufe

​Since I’ve been on a superhero movie kick, I thought it would be fun to explore the wondrous world of superheroes and share with you guys things that I've learned from them. As you all know, I'm prone to sharing my feels with you all. So, if you're ready, take my hand, and let's go on this journey together. How cool would that sound with an accent…I'm just saying!

First things first, Superhero 101 states that if you are a hero, of the super kind, you must, and I mean must wear a skintight suit. Even more so if you're a female hero. Seriously, all of them. Not a single Superhero wears a comfortable looking outfit. If it's not skintight spandex, it's leather. Explain to me how leather is supposedly comfortable to fight in? I've worn leather pants, they're not that comfy! I have to say, if I ever become a Superhero, I'm fighting in either leggings or yoga pants, and the most comfortable shirt I own.
 
Plus, some decent running shoes. Combat boots are okay, but some of the boots they show these heroes wearing? As someone who wears heels occasionally, I can tell you they're not all that comfortable to go fight crime in. Or run. Or pretty much do a lot of things in. Maybe some of you disagree, maybe you like wearing heels and do it really well. Sad to say, I am not one of you. I can go a few hours tops in heels before I switch to flats. On that note, has anyone ever thought of making a heel that folds into a flat? Because I would buy that. Like a lot of that actually. They have started to make heels with orthopedic insoles built into the shoe, which is nice. They're much comfier…maybe that's the kind of shoes our female Superheroes are wearing?

Next thing I also learned, is that to be a Superhero, you have to have some tragic backstory. All the heroes I idolize and love and read the comics of have something horrible that happened to them. Iron Man, drunk, absentee father, that died. Batman, parents were murdered. Hawkeye, drunk, abusive, parents that died and left him orphaned so he grew up in the circus. Nightwing, awesome circus parents that were murdered; crazy foster father who eventually adopted him, after turning him into a vigilante too. The moral of these stories is, don't have bad parents. They eventually die, or are just jerks to you until you turn into some crime fighting awesome person. There's just always some level of tragedy and I guess that is what makes every great hero great. Except for some mutants. Like, some of them have good, caring, awesome homes. In the case of the Mutant universe, it's society that's mean and cruel.

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​Finding love, when you're a Superhero, seems to be super hard. Unless you're Superman…then it's just confusingly complicated. Granted, this is dangerous territory here, because there's canon and then there's ships…and I'm not even going to get into any of that. But with every hero, there's always some reason as to why they and the person they love can't ever seem to be together. It's almost always because the hero has to be the hero, or something to do with them being the hero. And the other person is all kinda of not willing to put up with said hero being a hero. It's always more complicated, but basically, Superhero comics, more than anything, have taught me that love is a really confusing thing. It's okay to love someone, you just can't go be with that person for reasons. Unless you're Batman…then the reason you can't be with someone is because you're too busy being Batman. 

Also, if you're a Superhero, money is never a worry to have anymore. Like, hardly ever. It's totally just a thing that never really gets talked about, except for maybe Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark, whom we all know are just so rich it hurts. Everyone else though, it's never really discussed. The first time I ever saw the topic of a Superhero struggling with finances was in the newest string of Hawkeye comics. Other than that, if you've got super powers, or are just really good at parkour, you never have to worry about money. It'll just happen. Suits will be repaired, weapons fixed, it's all okay. Then again, in a world where people can fly, I suppose I shouldn't be questioning the financial side of any of this. With great powers of awesome, comes unlimited funds. How do they all afford their secret lairs? And every hero has one, sort of. With some it's just their apartments, or wherever, but with a lot of Heroes, they have a lair. Wonder Woman can't just park her invisible jet anywhere! Where's the hanger for that? Not to mention the cost of fuel. I want a secret lair with a bunch of money to support my crime fighting habit.

Lastly, Superheroes taught me that, super powers or not, if you've got a costume, you can survive all kinds of horrible things in fights and bad guy stuff, and totally walk away from it, just fine. Like in The Avengers where Hawkeye breaks through a plate glass window and doesn't have a bunch of cuts on him. Or when Black Widow parkour's from some serious heights onto this gravelly pit, like that wouldn't hurt. Batman's recent movies had shown some of the wear and tear of being Batman on Bruce’s body. But he popped right up from a broken back pretty quick. I'm almost positive that all of the things done to Tony in the Iron Man suit would kill a human. Even just flying at the speeds he does…Spider-Man? Okay, that's just terrifying. Jumping off and swinging from building to building does not sound like a fun way to spend any evening. Spiders aren't really that tough, even. You step on them and they get mushed…so I'm pretty sure Peter wouldn't survive half the things he's exposed to with his villains.

What have you learned from Superheroes? They're all pretty amazing in their own right, and while not realistic in the least, that’s the fun of them! Being able to escape into their worlds has brought joy to millions of us. Who's your favorite superhero? If you could have any power, what would it be? 

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